Dating a recent widow
I sauntered into a swanky downtown Chicago restaurant with a divorced female friend. Six months after my husband died, I decided to venture out into the single’s world.After date number four, when things began to get serious, it was my sister, ironically, who warned me about having a relationship with a man who was probably still grieving.But during the following weeks Tim slowly told me about Jane’s diagnosis, her illness, the fight she put up and her preparations for death.Because the grief process is an individualized one, it is sometimes difficult to know how soon is too soon to date a widowed man. Although widowers tend to date sooner than widows, this does not mean that men have a shorter grief process than women.It is possible that he has not completed the grief process and is trying to lessen the emotional pain through dating.
”Never one to pass up a good line, I said, “Six feet under.” That resulted in a jaw dropping, confused, uncomfortable, pitiful facial expression, as he stammered, “I’m so sorry.” I blurted out, “But I didn’t kill him! ” My response without missing a beat, “Twenty-four hours.” That interchange was my initiation into the “Planet Single Bar Hopping Phase.” I later entered the “Planet Single Dating Phase.” Here are 10 tips to understanding the differences in dating widows vs divorcees:1) Divorcees didn’t have a happy marriage otherwise they’d still be married.
In the first emails Tim and I sent each other we mentioned previous relationships – my failed marriage and his wife’s death at 36 from breast cancer – but only in a fact-finding kind of way.
And when we met over a pint in a Hampshire pub, we touched on those subjects again but agreed they weren’t right for a first date.
I signed up for wasn’t a good format fit for me, and I abandoned the effort after a few weeks and only meeting a police officer who looked like Lurch with a bad comb-over.
Next I tried to cultivate a dating minded relationship with an industrial tech teacher I’d met through my master’s program that summer.