An extrovert dating an introvert

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“Internet dating has leveled the playing field between extroverts and introverts,” says life coach and author Amy Bonaccorso.

As you find out just how much time he or she needs alone, it is easy to wonder if your shy guy or gal is really on board for a new relationship. Read on for insight into the inner workings of your alluring introvert’s brain and a few tips on how to deal.

I used to have a friend who’d say, “Dating is nothing but a numbers game.” She believed that going on more dates was equivalent to a higher likelihood of falling in love. However well-intentioned it may be, it flies in the face of a major factor essential to an introvert’s well-being—alone time. So yes, you will have times when sitting across from another human being, you’ll feel you’d rather pull out your molars without Novocaine than think of another word to say to this person. I feared if I declined, I would be passing up on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. You will have days when unexpected issues arise at work, your cat gets sick, a family member calls with an emergency, or a friend emails with the last-minute favor to which you have to say yes because they helped you out last week.

It might sound pretty reasonable when you first hear it except for the fact that it’s utter bullshit. It took me years of dating before I finally started ignoring this type of “practical” advice. For introverts, first dates are minefields of small talk and mindless chatter. if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no one to hear it, would this date be just as bad? As a result, I spent the following weekend on the couch, exhausted, spiraling down the rabbit hole of a bad television binge, barely able to peek around the door when the delivery guy dropped off my take-out. If you have a date scheduled that evening and you just can’t go, so be it.

However, they might be extremely polite, quietly amused in social situations, and very intuitive in your post-social, private time.” In other words, see your introvert for who he or she is, and value the good.

“Audience participation is my worst nightmare,” says Grace V., a social media strategist in Madison, Wisconsin.

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