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Whichever way you go, you do know that there will be consequences to your action.

There is nothing worse than making out with a guy, reaching for a handful and finding a package of gummy worms. It's common at frat parties, birthday parties, New Year's Eve, baby showers, Halloween, and wedding receptions.

Being a human that grew up in America, I had some baseline of knowledge going into my screening.

I knew the force was strong, Yoda was wise, Darth Vader was Luke’s (and so Leia’s) dad, and Luke and Leia had some sort of Josh-and-Cher romance happening. (Basic Fandom Disclaimer: Keep in mind that I’ve only watched the first film so the musings below are likely wildly obvious and/or short-sighted. From all the clips and parodies I’ve seen of Darth Vader breathing heavily through his mask, I assumed he was some sort of asthmatic Robocop.

I blame all the stars in my eyes.) Below you’ll find a list of the elements I found most forceful (Editor’s Note: Oof.) for a Star Wars first-timer. I didn’t realize that he was James Earl Jones, a.k.a. the animated lion who informed all noble ideals of my youth.

I was just waiting for Vader to call attention to “everything the light touches.” In other words, this casting toyed with my sympathy. I couldn’t help but note that much of Obi-Wan’s Jedi-related platitudes doubled as amazing dating advice.

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